The setting: I am sitting in the waiting room at the hospital. I look around and notice that this tiny room actually was a semi-private room at one time. It is obvious where beds were supposed to be and there were places for medical equipment to to plug into the walls.
There is a man and his wife sitting in front of me. He is ready for his proceedure. She is closing her eyes but holding a book. She is too tired or stressed to read. He looks calm. Notices my watch and reaches into his backpack and puts his watch back on.
There is a man sitting out of sight around the corner. A nurse calls his name and introduces herself. She asks to see his bracelet and reads his name out loud. She asks him if that is him. He laughs and says "I don't know anyone who would want to pretend they are me right now". The room rang with laughter.
There is another woman sitting to my right. She has her back to me but turns when she hears me laugh. She is heavy and has a beautiful smile.
I am sitting beside John. We both have our Iphones in hand and we are reading books. We both like ebooks. I am wearing two hospital gowns, socks and little blue covers on my feet. If I don't think about the fact that I am mostly naked, I am comfortable because it is hot in here. John looks at my socks and asks me if they are mine. They are. The only thing I was allowed to keep on.
My name is called and I think What? I look up and see a man looking at me with a friendly look on his face. Is this my doctor? I only met him once before. This guy does look familiar. He leads me around the corner and into a small interview room. He says he noticed my name on the board and wanted to know what happened to me, why I didn't show up for my follow up? Oh Crap, this is doctor number 1. This is the doctor I didn't want to see a second time and here I am sitting in a freakin' gown.
I didn't want to do this but I had to. I had to break up with him to his face. I had tried to avoid it. I took a deep breath and told him that I had cancelled my appointment because I didn't like the experience of having my appointments in the clinic. I do not like to wait for appointments for over an hour and it seemed likely that the waiting would be the norm.
Yup, that would be the equivalent of, "It's not you, its me." I was at a disadvantage, I don't like to hurt people and there just seemed to be no point to tell him that I didn't think he listened to me, that he seemed to full of himself and too sure of his specialist ways and didn't connect with me his patient. I couldn't tell him that I expect to be a partner in my medical team. I didn't tell him that he really pissed me off.
I smiled and let him down easy. I made sure he knew that I had cancelled our last meeting, I had not stood him up and then I thanked him for checking in with me when he was me.
Then I shuffled in my little blue paper booties and black socks back to my chair in the semi-private/waiting room, past the lady with the nice smile and the silent couple over to my corner.
If I hadn't been starving and if my colon hadn't been so shiny clean from the fabulous klean-prep I might have shit myself or thrown upa little bit into my mouth. But I didn't.
And all of this happened before I had my colonoscopy. I will have to tell that story soon.